new life
it's raining heavily outside now..
i can't say that today is a good day for me. if you ask me, how i feel today,I'll tell you I'm sad. i think you can see from my face or like what Sharon said "there's sadness in your eyes"
do i need to tell the story again?to those who understand why, i don't think i need to; for those who have no idea on anything, I'm sorry, i can only tell you that "this long story"
today is definitely a busy day for me. woke up early around 8 something, for no reason.or i just should say that it's because i suddenly remember something which made me cry. ( I've to mention here that i actually slept at around 530am in the morning). surprisingly, i was not tired..online did some mailing till 10 something. i had appointment with Trixie for lunch and she had to accompany me go over to his place to clear my stuff.
we went to fiesta Japanese restaurant.i tried some sushi that i never try at sakae and sakura. order the soba and tempura.yummy yummy!! order alot till both of us can't finish. so full but we enjoy.so nice.but i still miss the ikkyu.i promise Trixie that I'll bring her to ikkyu when she visits kl at the year end.
we both went to my ex bf's place to clear all my stuff. this made me cry every time when i think about this. i should say that i know the reason that he insisted me to come all the way from kl to sg, just to clear my stuff. he just wanted to talk to me.for what? to ask for the last hope for patching back.i know this. I've to be at sg to clear my stuff as he said that this the only way to move on his life.human always has this weakness of hoping for the last hope. this is amazing actually. for those who are strong in mind or strong determination people, miracles really happen. but, not for me and him this time.
the way to his place is so familiar to me. the badminton court, the playground, the walking path..everything. as what Trixie said "don't think you'll come back again. i still remember that this the 2ND time I'm here. the 1st time was when you and Brian broke up, i accompanied you here to beg for a chance to talk to him.but seems like got a little big changes"..sigh..that's true.. my heart was heavy that time.the breathing is a little weird.a stone was on top of my heart,made me feel so heavy.. .. ..
when i got into his room, i saw the bed, i couldn't help to lay at there and hug the pillows. i stood up in 30seconds.my tears started to roll around my eye ball. i opened the cupboard, saw all my clothes, all still remains at the same place.my tears fell down slowly and quietly. i took out all the clothes and realize that i really got many clothes at his place.one fila bag is definitely not enough. Brian was outside with his brother. he came in and looked here and there and told us that we could use the paper bags that he prepared. almost done,Brian asked me go to kitchen for a talk. i don't know how to describe the feeling.i was lost. i could guess what he wanna say, this made me feel sad. i admit that i cried. i know that whatever he said to me wont change my mind. but, i still felt pain, heart still pain. i know this hard for both of us.but, life is moving on.
for the alphabet bears, i actually wanted to take the already done version.Trixie suggested me to take the unopened one.after consideration, i took the unopened one.this actually made me feel sad..Brian passed me all those letters that we had.i just couldn't control and cry again... .. before we left, Trixie scolded him that why he wanna insist me to come all the way from kl to clear my stuff and this and that..i was stunned.i never expect that she'll talk to him in such an annoying tone. i just asked her to leave. i said bye to weijie and left. he sent us off.at the door, he asked me those questions again. this really annoyed Trixie. she started to pin out all those "selfishness" of him..i was so helpless and pulled him back to his house..he asked me again. i told him "we don't know the future. we can only hope that the future is good and happy. and i hope that you are happy.that's all i asked for". he said he's not happy.. .. Trixie was outside and she's angry.she said something bad.. I'm sad..so sad to hear that..i asked him "are we still fren?" .. .. .. .. .. crying
we left with 5 big bags.. and no turning back..everything is over.. that's all.
i admit that I'm stubborn and whatever I've decided, i won't change easily.that's me.I'm Taurus which really describe the stubbornness of me.okay, this at least give me a good reason for me.
i have to admit that I'm weak in relationship. 6yrs of long-d relationship, i don't think anyone of it can forget this easily.so do i.i went through the darkest time.I'm glad that i can see this relationship in a clearer way with clearer mind. I'm clear with myself. i know what i did and how i hurt him. i rather feel that I'm the one whom to blame, but not him. i know i hurt him. i hate for what i did. i cant go on with this relationship with scars. he hurts me deeply.i believe that he's hurt too. No one to be blamed and no one is wrong. I'm glad that i learn alot from this relationship. this the growing of me, change of me, for a better me.
i only hope that he's happy. i really still care for him. he's still important to me.but, it's not the same.
life is moving on. with a clearer mind, I'm willing to start my diaries again.
new life new me new relationship
i can't say that today is a good day for me. if you ask me, how i feel today,I'll tell you I'm sad. i think you can see from my face or like what Sharon said "there's sadness in your eyes"
do i need to tell the story again?to those who understand why, i don't think i need to; for those who have no idea on anything, I'm sorry, i can only tell you that "this long story"
today is definitely a busy day for me. woke up early around 8 something, for no reason.or i just should say that it's because i suddenly remember something which made me cry. ( I've to mention here that i actually slept at around 530am in the morning). surprisingly, i was not tired..online did some mailing till 10 something. i had appointment with Trixie for lunch and she had to accompany me go over to his place to clear my stuff.
we went to fiesta Japanese restaurant.i tried some sushi that i never try at sakae and sakura. order the soba and tempura.yummy yummy!! order alot till both of us can't finish. so full but we enjoy.so nice.but i still miss the ikkyu.i promise Trixie that I'll bring her to ikkyu when she visits kl at the year end.
we both went to my ex bf's place to clear all my stuff. this made me cry every time when i think about this. i should say that i know the reason that he insisted me to come all the way from kl to sg, just to clear my stuff. he just wanted to talk to me.for what? to ask for the last hope for patching back.i know this. I've to be at sg to clear my stuff as he said that this the only way to move on his life.human always has this weakness of hoping for the last hope. this is amazing actually. for those who are strong in mind or strong determination people, miracles really happen. but, not for me and him this time.
the way to his place is so familiar to me. the badminton court, the playground, the walking path..everything. as what Trixie said "don't think you'll come back again. i still remember that this the 2ND time I'm here. the 1st time was when you and Brian broke up, i accompanied you here to beg for a chance to talk to him.but seems like got a little big changes"..sigh..that's true.. my heart was heavy that time.the breathing is a little weird.a stone was on top of my heart,made me feel so heavy.. .. ..
when i got into his room, i saw the bed, i couldn't help to lay at there and hug the pillows. i stood up in 30seconds.my tears started to roll around my eye ball. i opened the cupboard, saw all my clothes, all still remains at the same place.my tears fell down slowly and quietly. i took out all the clothes and realize that i really got many clothes at his place.one fila bag is definitely not enough. Brian was outside with his brother. he came in and looked here and there and told us that we could use the paper bags that he prepared. almost done,Brian asked me go to kitchen for a talk. i don't know how to describe the feeling.i was lost. i could guess what he wanna say, this made me feel sad. i admit that i cried. i know that whatever he said to me wont change my mind. but, i still felt pain, heart still pain. i know this hard for both of us.but, life is moving on.
for the alphabet bears, i actually wanted to take the already done version.Trixie suggested me to take the unopened one.after consideration, i took the unopened one.this actually made me feel sad..Brian passed me all those letters that we had.i just couldn't control and cry again... .. before we left, Trixie scolded him that why he wanna insist me to come all the way from kl to clear my stuff and this and that..i was stunned.i never expect that she'll talk to him in such an annoying tone. i just asked her to leave. i said bye to weijie and left. he sent us off.at the door, he asked me those questions again. this really annoyed Trixie. she started to pin out all those "selfishness" of him..i was so helpless and pulled him back to his house..he asked me again. i told him "we don't know the future. we can only hope that the future is good and happy. and i hope that you are happy.that's all i asked for". he said he's not happy.. .. Trixie was outside and she's angry.she said something bad.. I'm sad..so sad to hear that..i asked him "are we still fren?" .. .. .. .. .. crying
we left with 5 big bags.. and no turning back..everything is over.. that's all.
i admit that I'm stubborn and whatever I've decided, i won't change easily.that's me.I'm Taurus which really describe the stubbornness of me.okay, this at least give me a good reason for me.
i have to admit that I'm weak in relationship. 6yrs of long-d relationship, i don't think anyone of it can forget this easily.so do i.i went through the darkest time.I'm glad that i can see this relationship in a clearer way with clearer mind. I'm clear with myself. i know what i did and how i hurt him. i rather feel that I'm the one whom to blame, but not him. i know i hurt him. i hate for what i did. i cant go on with this relationship with scars. he hurts me deeply.i believe that he's hurt too. No one to be blamed and no one is wrong. I'm glad that i learn alot from this relationship. this the growing of me, change of me, for a better me.
i only hope that he's happy. i really still care for him. he's still important to me.but, it's not the same.
life is moving on. with a clearer mind, I'm willing to start my diaries again.
new life new me new relationship
posted by * JaNice* at
3:08 AM
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